Disaster Appeal A Terrifying and De-vest-assizing earthquake struck the south-eastern British county of Kent this morning. Tens of thousands of pikeys have been made homeless after their trailer homes were rocked off their axles by the powerful tremor which reached nearly 43 on the RichTea scale. Hundreds of Dover residents were injured by flying biscuit crumbs because the violent tremors began at 8:15am and lasted for almost 1,900 million nanoseconds causing husbands to accidentally crack their Chocolate Digestives against their morning tea mugs, shattering them and sending dangerous crumbs flying. Albert Figgis, 92, a retired pikey hop-picker, and renowned oyster-catcher, was quoted as saying: "it was just like the war," although he declined to say which one. Thousands of power lines have been downed and the entire region has been blacked out to conserve energy as the crisis deepens. Prime Minister Blair rushed to the scene of the disaster and then raced home again to get his pants. He returned in time to find, half-baked British comedian, Sacha Baron Cohen, pretending to be an aid worker from Kazakhstan called, Borat. The Queen has sent a message of sympathy, some tea bags, and a truck-load of horse manure from her Sandringham stables so that this-years' Kentish rose-growers' blooms will not suffer from the catastrophe that has seriously weakened the root systems of several rose bushes in what has been Britain's driest county for the last 300 years. The news was broken to an ashen faced President Bush as soon as he woke this morning at Camp David. The president immediately issued a message of sympathy to the Governor of Ohio. He later sent another to Queen Elizabeth. He then met with the Japanese Prime Minister Abe, and asked him why he'd shaved off his beard and stopped wearing the tall hats. The International Red Cross and Oxfam have launched a joint appeal for aid. Cash money and checks are welcome but the aid committee are asking for emergency aid for the dozen of the most seriously affected: the chav community. Particularly in demand are the items in the list, below. All donation may be sent to the Oxfam Collection and Distribution Centre, PO Box 42, Didcot, Oxon. Urgently Needed Items 200,000 Goodfella's Deep Pan Pepperoni Pizza's (Large: Frozen) As much WKD as can be shipped before Thresher's opens. 42" Plasma TVs (Must be Hi-definition enabled - we don't want no rubbish!) iPods - top o' the range (remember these people are not used to making do with second best) Due to the power outages tens of thousands of chavs will be unable to reach a mall this weekend. Your donations of clothing will allieviate the most severe symptoms of post-kaching-deprivation-stress syndrome. Remember: brand new stuff only (please leave the receipt in bag in case a recipient wishes to return your gift to the store for refund after weaing it once. Acceptable brands include: Anything that looks like Burberry Jimmy Choos (poor chavs can't normally afford daisies like that, so this offertoonity is 'eaven sent. Talking of scent, a few gallons of some trendy "pulling water" wouldn't go amiss. How about some o' that stuff wot Bwitney's been flogging? Lastly and most importantly several house has been rendered uninhabitable after the tragedy. Although the damage is mostly smoke-staining caused by householders rushing out into the streets to cry "gaw blimey, guvnor, luv a duck, would you Adam an' Eve it!" and forgetting that (a) they are not proper Cockneys, cos their grandparents left the East End after it was demolished to make room for World War Two and (b) that they had left bread in the toaster. Please, please, please, help these homelss people with your gift of a 14 night hotel break (not Spain, please, these people have been there and got the tee shirts (even if those tee-shirts are now on the backs of African refugees courtesy of Oxfam) ... no ... the Maldives or Phi Phi looks good this year. Please be generous. Remember that nowhere is safe from earthquakes and this latest seismological terror has hit close to the British Capital. That even Edna Rockett, 42, of 134 Nelson Mandela Tower, Pomeroy Street, New Cross, commented that if the earthquake had waited to strike during the olympics it would spell disaster. BLACK COUNTRY BUGLE Residents of Black Country town, Dudley, are scoffing it has been revealed. Mostly they are scoffing a hearty breakfast of faggots and peas, but they are also annoyed that the Kent disaster is getting more press than what they call "the Big One" that struck parts of Lower Gornal and Pensnett in 2002. Local celebrity, Ms Mirelly, 53, said: "during that one, I was woken up at 3am and my bed was shaking. The shaking went on for at least 10 seconds. The dudley quake was at least 4.8 on the Richter scale and the devestation in Kent just shows that all Southerners are pooftahs and cowboy-builders. We only had a few cracked chimneys. Our homes are built to last, up here in the frozen ... er midlands." After speaking to the press, Ms Mirelly shuffled back indoors to make a nice cup of tea.
:rotfl::rotfl: Do you think I could get in on some of that disaster relief? I need a computer that can play the sims without 'splodin.
ROTFLMAO... I came in from weeding the garden to take a quick look at Worldsims. My husband thinks I'm still slaving away in the dirt. Guess I'd better go back out, but thanks so much for the laugh.
LOL!!! Hehehe Mirelly, that was hilarious. Loved the chav references lol. Looking at that article with the list of earth tremors/quakes in the UK, I remember the one in 1984 - I was almost 13 at the time, and I lived not that far away from the epicentre.
LoLoL very funny Mirelly some time ago a little earthquake happens in south of portugal and the TV made a big deal of it, it was ridiculous, the journalists were trying to make the fact more important than it really was and they go to streets asking people what they felt, but no one felt the earthquake because they were all sleeping lol (sorry my bad english i hope you understand what i was trying to tell)
Shell-Shocked Survivors Plead For Aid This goes on and on ... I haven't had such a good laugh for ages. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/6604545.stm (and yes, they are even mentioning, "the war" ) (Serious note ... it is good that no-one was killed or badly hurt by falling masonry. Such good fortune allows me to take a flippant attitude and have a laugh at our tribal differences on this small island (even though my own father was a 'pikey' from just off the Old Kent Road). But honestly. This is a country filled with rich, well-educated, insured people. Stuff happens. Get over it.)
Lmao i absolutely love how other countries refer to the UK as the land of tea and biscuits LOL! I live in Essex, where i live is only about half an hour away from Kent. And every single tiny detail you mentioned about the chavs over here is true. Except unfortunately it's worse. Tbh the chav problems over here are much more of a big deal than a minor earthquake. They graffiti everything they set their eyes on, they shout at people as they walk past just because they are different (myself included), they only dress the way they do to impress and look 'hard', they steal, do drugs, the lot. My friend got beaten up by one on a bus, just because he was sitting there, doing nothing and saying nothing, he got hit for the sake of the chav wanting a fight. I am only a young 15 year old, and i have to live with the terrible attitudes of all of them in the horrible land of Romford in Essex. If i remember hearing correctly, Romford was voted the most chavvy town in Britain. And it get's worse every day. I will try to find some pictures.. and show you how terrible it gets. Thanks Mirelly, i love to hear funny stories about chavs. And it makes me feel better knowing so many people despise there existence. :]
Another point, haha. I noticed Mirelly you said England is a place of well educated people. If you met the majority of people, you'd think OMG!!! YOU ARE SO THICK!! Chavs can't even speak English, they actually speak like this: Wassup blud we iz reppin dis joint init! Did you understand a word of that? I sure didn't. LOL
Er I am in England. The Black Country. ... and compared to the victims of most natural disasters, UK people are much better educated. I also said that my father came from "by" the Old Kent Road (Walworth actually). Chav is derived from a romany word, chavi, meaning child. Pikey is a perjorative word for Irish traveller (or tinker), people often confused with true romany gypsys. Kent being the gateway between the UK and Europe -- as well as its fruit and hops that required large amounts of seasonal labour -- means that Kent has traditonally had large numbers of both ethinic groups as transient and semi-transient residents. Many of them settled in Londo's east end during the industrial revolution and after the napoloenic wars. My own heritage is heavily Irish. My paternal grandmother's maiden name was Rockett (a noted Irish pirate) and I have other Irish connections as well. I'm a total pikey's chavi ... but not a chav. I love that we brits have given the world another word for awfulness.
